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Becoming a Slave

Becoming a Slave - Jack Rinella “Carried Away” changed my whole mindset about BDSM books.Until then, I’d been mildly amused by the sexy handcuffs, the odd flick of leather or swat of paddle that I’d come across in my reading. In these, the kink is just a playful part of sex. Even when books tried to get deeper into the whole Master/slave scenario, it seemed unreal. Sure, some of the better writers depicted scenes where the pain could be viscerally felt, but it still seemed superficial.There is nothing superficial about “Carried Away”.The scenes depicted are not the sort of things I would like to be subjected to or subject anyone else to for that matter. Not only drinking piss but loving it, getting off on spit-polishing boots, accepting humiliation and getting a thrill from being scared or treated like a dog.So, why read it?Because by trying to understand why someone would do all these things, I gained a better insight into my fellow human being. Sometimes, it’s not enough to step into new shoes to see what they look like on, you need to walk in them for a while to appreciate them.We are all different.How different and why intrigued me. Someone told me that “Carried Away” was written as a direct rebuttal or response to John Preston’s book [b:Mr. Benson: A Novel|308937|Mr. Benson A Novel|John Preston|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1328748252s/308937.jpg|1096165]. So, I added that to my reading pile. I also read as many non-fiction books on the subject that I could find. [b:Ties That Bind: The SM/Leather/Fetish Erotic Style, Issues, Commentaries and Advice|905906|Ties That Bind The SM/Leather/Fetish Erotic Style, Issues, Commentaries and Advice|Guy Baldwin|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1347865671s/905906.jpg|891052] [b:Leathersex Q& a: Questions about Leathersex and the Leather Lifestyle Answered|1344338|Leathersex Q& a Questions about Leathersex and the Leather Lifestyle Answered|Joseph W. Bean|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1182883249s/1344338.jpg|1333938] [b:Chainmale: 3sm: A Unique View of Leather Culture|1344409|Chainmale 3sm A Unique View of Leather Culture|Don Bastian|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1182883479s/1344409.jpg|1334009] Given the evidence there, how real are these fictional stories?“Mr Benson” is a fantasy or at least an idealized view of what Master/slave relationships could be like. Terry, the Dominant in “Carried Away” goes to great lengths to explain that 24/7 relationships are unworkable. Yet, ultimately, that is what this book hints will happen.Why read "Carried Away" then?In answering this question, I think I stumbled on the essence of BDSM. Because deep down we all want to be the object of someone’s focused attention. But there's more than that. For some, it’s the thrill of adrenaline and the endorphin rush that pain can produce. But I think most of all, many like the concept of belonging, of needing to know that even if they stuff up, they won’t be abandoned, that efforts will be made to correct the situation so they can move on to bigger and better things.As I see it, some people seek this sense of belonging under the “cover” of BDSM. Some people do it through a vanilla marriage, but in each case there is that essence of a bond that collars them or links them to someone else, whether it be in the form of a wedding ring or a studded leather collar.The author, david stein, is a slave in real life. He was very much a participant in the introduction of the concept “safe, sane and consensual” although he now maintains that there are better ways to control the scene. In 2009, he founded his own publishing company “Perfect Bound Press” from which you can purchase a number of M/s titles including Thom Magister’s [b:The Slave Journals and Other Tales of the Old Guard|9180486|The Slave Journals and Other Tales of the Old Guard|Thom Magister|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1349002492s/9180486.jpg|14059782]. David commented on my review of that book saying: My favorite line in your review is “It’s a man’s idea of ‘romance’.” since that’s what I miss in so much MM erotica, which reads like the characters are drag kings. This man is the real deal, and that comes through in every sentence. I’m glad you enjoyed his work.This is exactly what the characters in “Carried Away” are: men. Their needs are different, their motives have more to do with the chase and the hunt, taking pride in catching someone and having them under their control.The book explores the whole M/s scene and explains the problems and benefits. At times, this can overpower the action, but the depth of the kink surrounding it balances the more prosaic sections. If the kink hadn’t been so heavy, then the explanation of what is happening might be superfluous, but given the pain and suffering that Matt endures, it’s good to see Terry has given a lot of thought to the process and not just done it because he can.Sadism for sadism’s sake is dangerous.The danger is always that an uncaring Dom can justify his reasons without looking at the effect it has on his submissive. david stein has depicted a situation where there is honesty in that appraisal, and that is vital. For BDSM to be able to be seen as something other than abuse, there has to be that mutual understanding of what is happening, preferably by two people with a similar level of experience.Every now and then, I re-read “Carried Away” to gain some gritty reality after the sugary sweet offerings that abound in the BDSM genre. In those, the submissive is often depicted as the sweet little sub. Someone like Matt Stone is anything but weak. Part of the whole process is for him to prove to his Master how strong he is, both mentally and physically.This concept shouldn’t be that hard to understand. You only have to endure the traditional army-style bootcamp to see these same concepts applied: having to perform under pressure, developing the persistence to endure pain while commands are being yelled at you. The only difference is that you don’t get the pay off of the hot sex afterwards. At least not with your boot camp instructor.... :)